september 12,2016
“i just feel numb” i said looking at her.
“did you sleep well last night ? ” she questioned me looking at my gloomy and dull face.
“ummm not really, i just stared at the ceiling for a long time ” said i
“did you take your medicines , and finished reading your book ?”she asked me patiently.
“no not really finished reading the book and yes i took my pills”i answered her looking out of the window.
The bell ringed and we both looked at the clock . One hour of session was over,she looked at me and told me “try writing poems it will get many things out of you and finish reading your book, see you thursday .
Dr Dey is my therapist. For the past month i have been visiting her chamber . She was a cheerful lady in her mid thirties , with a soft voice and a good listener . She worries about me so much and once told me that i am of her daughter’s age and she would like to see me healthy again and walk out of her clinic and lead a normal healthy life.
Which to me was strange , i mean how can i be happy after all that have happened ,i have nothing left. I went out of the clinic and i breathed in the air , the city is now so dull to me now . i sat on a pavement and i looked at little kids returning from dance schools holding their mum’s hand .I didn’t wanted to drift away in my thoughts so i started to walk to home . once i was home i had to continue my gloomy day,i had an apple and cup of black coffee. I sat on my favorite couch where i would often sit staring out of the window, and just b lost in my thoughts on my usual day. But today i started reading “The Piligrimage” by Paulo Coelho , Dr Dey gave me this book and patted on my head to read it, more specifically understand it. I was reading the book and after 10 mins my phone buzzed, it was my mom . She was calling to remind me to eat properly and sleep well.Generally our conversation goes on for 2 mins and then i hang up the call. i went for a shower and i was humming a tune . I watched myself in the mirror drenching in the cold shower. I looked at my arm , the bruises on it , i had dark circles around the lifeless eyes . I got out of the shower and a thought came across my mind , and i sat down with a pen and a paper in my couch and started writing whatever i was feeling that day and it turned out to b a sort of poem.
I love getting emotionally drunk
it feels like i am peacefully drowning in a ocean of sanity
and deep in somewhere my demons have died
slowly i get drenched away in the ocean of love
my eyes close and the blue sky over me disappears
and i see darkness all around myself
a dark void where everything is so peaceful
so soft, so wonderfully the water hits my body
and i am grasped in the eternal peace
my heartbeat stops slowly and its silence
the beautiful silence surrounding me
I scribbled around the paper and large drops of warm tears started rolling down my cheeks . I kept aside the paper and retired to bed and as usual staring at the ceiling and tried to put myself to sleep.
moumi'sblog 